All too often you hear stories of “Tornado Husbands” that unnecessarily and inconsiderately leave a wake of disarray as they meander through their homely habitats. Wives will inevitably feel frustrated, resentful, exhausted, disrespected, offended, overwhelmed, sad, and more. Yes, there is definitely a balance to this, but more often than not, men get lazy. Yes, days can be long and exhausting, but get over yourself.
I remember the beginning of our marriage, after my brand-spanking new wife and I started living together, I was and am still amazed by the “little stuff” that matters to her. Do not misunderstand me, I am not complaining! I am merely an amateur anthropologist documenting surely staggering phenomena. Since I am the most perceptive husband in the world, I have observed the following:
- For some reason she actually likes the bed made up, foofy poofy pillows and all… every single morning… even though we habitually mess up the masterpiece and hop right back in the bed in less than 16 hours.
- She experiences this odd fidgety tick when cabinets are not closed in the kitchen.
- It turns out my toothbrush fits nicely in some contraption from Bed Bath & Beyond instead of my preferred location beside the sink that causes a kind of gooey grade school science experiment.
- You would be surprised how much easier it is maintaining an empty kitchen sink and clean dishes if you wash them right after you use them. Crazy, huh?! This was decidedly different than my college method of letting dirty dishes take over the counter until my roommates and I only had paper plates, plastic forks, pizza box tops, and napkins left as house guest dinnerware.
- I was utterly flabbergasted that she prefers I hang up my clothing at the end of the day in lieu of creating that “neatly disorganized” potluck pile of couple-day-old clothing beside the bed.
I could go on, but I think we’re on the same page now. It is astonishing how little effort it takes to do these seemingly insignificant acts that actually mean a lot to your wife. Really folks, we’re talking about an investment of seconds or ~maybe~ a couples minutes to serve your wife, add to her peace of mind, make her life marginally easier / simpler, and show her you value her and her preferences. There is an inverted correlation between how simple / easy these acts are and how significant they are to your spouse, it’s almost too good to be true! Talk about a jackpot return on investment!
Also worth noting, you do not have to understand WHY your spouse likes this “little stuff”. Despite your most calculated and logical arguments to the contrary, the reasons for these preferences are relatively irrelevant. Fighting or arguing over these curious quirks is the exact opposite of our goal!
Not to pat myself on the back, but I think I’ve actually done a fairly decent job in these areas, but there’s always room for improvement. However, I have noticed that as I do them I enjoy a double scoop of joy because it makes me think of and be thankful for my cherished wife, while bringing a smile to my face. I know she notices, cares, and appreciates my teeny acts of service.
Men, this an example of leading in service and consideration in your marriage. Lastly, make sure to “bring this home” by noticing, affirming, and thanking the heck out of each other for these efforts. I actually look forward to my wife thanking me for making up the bed every day.
THE POINT: Experience the blessing and joy of serving your spouse by intentionally doing those little things he/she cares about every day!
Discussion Questions
- Have you gotten lazy in these aspects of your marriage? If so, apologize and ask forgiveness.
- What are some of those “little things” that mean a lot to you?
- How much effort would it REALLY take you prioritize these acts of service?
Great insites and man you learn fast! I’ve been married 37+ years (ya I was 2 when we got married and still 39)but it took me a bit more time than two (2) years to learn what make my wife happy-actually I am still learning which is the important part! Great Blog and keep it coming as we men need all the help we can get from that Southern upbringing!
California boy Tommy
Haha. Thanks for the comment! This line sounds cheeesy, but I’m just tryin to learn and love.
We have been friends with our handyman for more than half of his life. Recently, he got married for the first time at age 41. While a little dirt doesn’t bother him, his wife is a “clean-y.” Last week, while digging up my back yard, he told me with a “grrrrr” that his wife wanted him to change into clean clothes before he came home, take off his shoes before entering the house, and wash his hands whenever he came in from the garage. He was doing it, but he didn’t like it. When he came back the next day, I told him what he should say to his wife: “Honey,I wouldn’t ordinarily do any of this, but because I love you, I’ll do it with a happy heart.” I told him if he did this consistently, he would like the results. He looked at me amazed. I hope he tries it.
Roxann Andersen
The Marriage Dance
This is a perfectly fitting example situation. I can imagine it is a bit more difficult changing your ways after 41 years of being single. Let us know if you hear back from him… I hope he takes your advice. Thanks for the comment Roxann!
right. I married my wife at the age of 44. Loosing habits after a serious period of living single requires some serious attention.
But my wife loves it when I pay attention to housekeeping issues like I used to do as a single.
So I can vouch for the effect of being a gentle and caring husband.
I think you need to add a “Send this to a friend” feature to your blogs. Or more accurately a “Send this to your spouse” feature. 🙂 We are still having difficulties in this area, but there is hope!
Haha… I will add a sharing feature to the site. I should probably add a “Send this to myself” feature too :-).